My friend J cross-stitched this:
She's so badass.
I tried to be badass during the random bar fight I got into tonight with this beyotch that tried to steal my outside table, but instead I said something like "You're retarded." "Don't mess with me, because I'm older and less skinny." And then I thought about throwing my drink in her face, but I didn't want to get my hair pulled.
Obviously what I should have said was, "Don't make me cut you."